2012 is going to be a great year for music. Much like 2011, there are band both old and new who are incorporating the new and popular elements into their music to create sounds and concepts which were previously unheard. These are not them. These are the releases that make you say ‘really? These assholes are still making music? Why?’.
ICP – The Mighty Death Pop
What can one say about ICP to make them look worse than they already do? They are grown ass men who dress up like clowns and talk about stabbing people. The worst part is they have made gazillions of dollars by acting like complete ass hats much to the adoration of Juggalos everywhere. This is one of the worst bands of all time and I can’t think of many albums I’d want to own less than The Mighty Death Pop. If you’ve been listening to ICP for this long, it shouldn’t be surprising that nobody gets you, most people haven’t been listening to such shit for that long.
Scorpions – Comeblack
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane. Well rock you like a hurricane unless it’s past my 8 o’clock bedtime. Not during midday either because my stories are on. You know what? Just forget rocking you like a hurricane altogether, could you just grab me a glass of prune juice? Apparently the Scorpions have decided to retire and their last release is a collection of early recorded classics by the band as well as covers of famous songs from the 1960’s. Congratulations boys, your finale is a collection of b-sides and what I assume are a bunch of crap ass covers.
Bret Michaels – Get Your Rock On
I don’t know what offends me more, Bret Michaels’ face or the ridiculously pandering name of his upcoming album. The Rock of Love star who was thrust back into the limelight will undoubtedly release a mish mash of trash perfect for fans of cock rock who want to relive the heyday. Why? Sweet God Why? Don’t people know that Poison already sucks enough ass? I guess this is a big deal for the male pattern baldness hidden under a cheesy bandana populous, but most decent people shouldn’t give a shit.
Meat Loaf – Hell In a Handbasket
Well put Meat Loaf, well put. I am a bit torn because after Fight Club I find it difficult to hate Meat Loaf the person, but his music has always been that generic brand of no balls rock that makes me want to put my head through a wall. I can’t imagine that his 2012 release will be anything more than a collection of blah non-offensive, non-edgy rock ballads disguised as nail hard. Sorry Loaf, but being an alright person does not defend your upcoming mush ball release.
Scott Stapp – Somewhere In the Middle of Lust and Love
Sweet baby Jesus why do bad things happen to good people? Scott Stapp is the former lead singer of the previously worst rock band (before Nickelback) known as Creed. You may remember Stapp as being that asshole who showed up completely hammered to a Chicago interview and receiving a lawsuit from angry fans (yup, he has fans, I can’t believe it either). Please, please, please, if you know of someone thinking of buying or even pirating this album talk to them, let them know that listening to Scott Stapp is a gateway into full-blown douchebagery. What a piece of shit album title too, one of the worst I’ve ever heard.
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